control

I'm running around my kitchen and rooms of my house, picking up, cleaning up. Staying busy. I realize I am feeling out of control and feeling sorry for myself. Just like that. One thought leads to another and I become envious of someone I know doing well in her job. I want that, too! Curse word. I am so thankful for what happens next. I stop what I am doing and a voice says, "You do have control. You have control over what's most important." I have control over the sandwich I am making, control over how I care for my son in a conversation, control over how I fold my laundry. I may not have control over who may or may not call me to hire me or who will read this blog but it's ok. When I feel out of control and desperate, now I have one more thing I can do to achieve peace and reclaim some dignity. I don't just talk to myself. I talk to God and plea for help in these moments when the world is too much. I get by because I know (God willing) something good is around the corner.